I’m paying more attention to my ‘one word’ for the year than usual. Perhaps because it feels so necessary.
I am allowing myself to step back a bit, to discover some things about myself…
Work wise I am largely focusing on editing the Spring issue of magnet, which is in the design stage, thus lots of emails between me and the design team, proofreading, all quite intensive. A meeting has been cancelled and my assistant editor ill – but the negatives in this have changed to positives as it has meant I have been able to spread things out in the most manageable way. I’ve discovered that this works.
I’ve discovered that I am tired. Yes from the virus we had over Christmas, but also the sheer level of last year’s output – book writing, editing, publicising being a large part of that, as well as the dormant CFS being poked into life by illness and circumstance.
That’s OK. I need the space to be tired, and I am hoping that circumstances don’t override me too much. Writing wise I have had a few unpaid things to do this month, but spreading them out so that they are manageable. My writers’ energy store has been low.
But I’ve discovered that I do still have ideas, enough to stick some words on my noticeboard (see my last blog post), even though I can’t do much with them.
I’ve discovered I can still read books. After being a voracious reader for years, the last 12 months or more I have slipped out of the habit of making reading a go-to hobby. In some ways I am having to exercise a lot of discipline to get back into the habit, but even if I just manage a few pages a night, it’s something, and gives me hope that I may yet fall in love with it again. I think, as well as the general distractability of life, I just got overloaded with words for a while and needed a rest.
I’ve discovered that wordpress now links to a ‘free photo library’ when you go to add an image, hence the book image above.
I’ve discovered I can, despite my energy being poor, manage a 10 minute walk around the block around the block on the odd occasion, and therefore enjoy spotting goldcrests nipping around the hedges, as well as an assortment of other characters. (Redwing in garden last week – lovely.)
I’ve discovered that blocked scuttles (rain drains etc) in cars cause lots of wetness in footwells and stress, so we are hoping the electrics are OK and not permanently affected – the hazard lights are currently no longer coming on without cause, nor is the boot opening when you open the left side back door (admittedly, that was quite amusing). Still, there is a niggle of concern there.
I’ve discovered it is useful to have friends with dehumidifiers, in fact we’ve decided we’d quite like to get one of our own.
I’ve discovered fried egg crumpets, mainly out of necessity as to what I could make of what I had in the cupboards/fridge for lunch when we either needed to go shopping or I wasn’t in the mood for my ‘usual’.
I’ve discovered I can manage about ten minutes of housework before exhaustion begins to creep over me.
Yes, I am tired. But OK. If I am allowed to be tired, allowed to take space, then it is manageable.
Sometimes we need to discover that is OK to feel how we feel.