soft moments

I need soft moments.  Life tries to push them out sometimes; I feel I should be doing something. Or – and perhaps this is the most truthful reason – I fear coming face to face with how I really feel.

I mistrust the feelings themselves; I mistrust my own perceptions. Of myself. Of life. Of God.

It’s autumn now; the candles have come out.  At least, the holders on the mantelpiece and around the fireplace now contain recently burnt wicks – as the evenings grow darker, I am drawn to candlelight. I am drawn to the softness of the flame.

And that trivial love of candlelight opens the way for something more profound. Releasing expectation, no longer over thinking it, I embrace the soft moment. And a door is opened in my soul. I hardly notice it swinging ajar, but that which was closed off – by cynicism, coldness and doubt – allows something ‘other’ to come in.

And an inner flame awakens as I take the time to notice it; as I lay aside the clutter that I cling to, the excuses I make, the fears and doubt that so often dog my steps.

I breathe, and I breathe not just air but spirit, and not just spirit but Holy Spirit, and what was a soft moment paves the way for divine encounter. I am stilled, and sense God surrounding me. 

The cold, cynical doubter tuts at this, but the soft moment has stolen her power. I revert from the panic-ridden, over-busy, over-analysing to a simple acceptance that I am loved. She squalls at me, that doubter, but her pokes and prods have lost their power and I am granted respite; I embrace trust.

I begin to seek the soft moments, driven initially by need but then desire, because the more I draw near, the healthier my soul feels, the gentle flame burning, melting the sharp ice, returning me to something I felt I’d lost.

Sometimes a simple thing opens the way to a soft moment. A candle flame, a song that winds its way inside you, a vista of such beauty that your soul skips a beat.

Let me pause. Let me pause in your presence, O Spirit of God, and fill me. Give me a heart that seeks the soft moments, the door that swings wide, the surrender.

Breathe on me, breath of God. 

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2 thoughts on “soft moments

  1. This is such a lovely post… reads and feels like a prayer…
    I love the soft warmth of candlelight – it immediately invites me to breathe, to move slowly, to focus on what I can actually see in the pool of light created and let all the rest just fall away into shadow…
    Thank you 🙂

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