I’VE REALISED I CAN’T live out my faith half-heartedly. In my frequent efforts towards ‘diplomatic’ faith – steadfastly allowing others to believe their interpretation of this or that – I’ve forgotten to allow myself to believe what I believe, sometimes. This doesn’t mean I want to ditch my desire to be a peacemaker and bridgebuilder, or that I’m going to stop accepting others. It just means that sometimes I need to accept myself a little better than I do now.
I’ve realised I need to believe. Even if some may think me naive, for believing prayer works – beyond merely a benefit to myself and my relationship with God. Or slightly nutty, for thinking that there is a spiritual conflict we can’t see. Or completely baffling, that I should care more about what God wants and who he is than who others would prefer him to be. I’m not saying I want to bash people over the head with it. I’m just saying that in my quest to be gentle and respectful I have forgotten to nurture my own faith, to allow myself to be the person God made me to be – a person with passionate faith. A person who believes in an interventionist God as well as a sovereign and mighty God – a person who believes that he cares and knows me. A person who believes he speaks to us – and to me – through the bible. A person who believes that some things are pleasing to God and some aren’t – and I honestly want to know which is which, beyond my own opinion on the matter.
I want to reclaim my passionate faith, which is so intrinsic to who I am.
In other news, the sun came out today.