a day like today…

… well, it is today, so what else could it be like?

This morning I had a physio appointment. The last two times the buses have been really unreliable. The first time I got on a different bus than I would have preferred, as there are so few of them, but the normally ‘regular’ bus was failing me. Worked out all right – the ticket machine was broken so I got a free ride. The second time two buses failed to show so had to ring Andy to give me an emergency lift. Hence this time I was at the bus stop almost an hour earlier than I needed to be, so that I had three possible buses to miss. Of course, the first of the three arrived on time – almost unheard of to be so precisely on time – thus I was sitting in the waiting room for 50 minutes.

As part of a decision to read some well known books that I’d never got round to reading, I had Heller’s Catch-22 with me. Every now and then I made a strange snuffling sound, trying to contain a bemused laugh. No one seemed to notice. It’s one of…six (?I think?) books I’m currently reading. I tend to pick up books absentmindedly and before you know it there are books in various places all waiting to be resumed from where I left off when last in that location in the house. It works for me, and it amuses Andy, who keeps a tally!

Felt a bit low after my appointment as she is not convinced physiotherapy can do much more for me. Had long winded discussion in which I felt more and more tired and frustrated. I’m having two more sessions and then she will write to my GP. I’d decided to walk into the city centre as it wasn’t too far away, but felt rather shattered energy-wise, and frustrated at being shattered. Went to explore the new craft shop I’d heard about – very exciting having one I can get to myself. It was very good, but felt too tired to appreciate it. Thought I’d go and have some form of refreshment, post my parcel, and come back.

Decided to post parcel first. Was stopped by two guys in close succession with clipboards asking me about line rentals, dodged away from them (one hollering after me), suddenly exhausted, feeling rather hounded. When I’m very tired little things like that tip me over into miserably tired. Was compounded by two more reps blocking the stairs in Smiths, which has the Post Office upstairs, and badgering me again. Near tears with sheer fatigue.
‘I just want to go upstairs!’ I pleaded.
‘All right,’ one replied, ‘I’ll catch you when you come back down’.
Could think of no response to that except a small groan.
Stood in cue at Post Office desk feeling stressed. Slipped down the other staircase and made mad break for the door. Making mad breaks is far too energetic for me when the fatigue hits, so felt rather sick.

Succeeded, and due to state of misery walked further down to find the cafe I like, and had a cup of tea and a toasted teacake. Sat feeling stupidly tearful and idiotic. Realised it was pointless to go back to craft shop in current state, so headed grimly for the bus stop.
Ran the gauntlet of the High Street.
‘Please God, make me invisible!’
Managed to dodge the annoying reps. Relief palpable once on bus.
‘There you are, my dear,’ said the bus driver as he dropped me at my stop.
Thank you,’ I replied, with great sincerity.

Sheesh. Such silly things tire me out so much.

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4 thoughts on “a day like today…

  1. I'm glad you got home safely, anyway! What are line rentals, and why were there all these reps around asking about them? I can't think of an equivalent over here, except for one time I walked through a high-end department store in NYC and was accosted by all these perfume clerks wanting to douse me with fragrance!BTW, my other blog is still active. I'm using Facebook for silly things like the cat stuff and endless top 5 surveys. 🙂

  2. I had a very similar day. Lady walked into me (my cart) without looking & began to swear. She wasn't swearing AT me, but i had a hard time not crying, tho it was her fault.I am truly, utterly exhausted; but i've posted so many "complaining posts" recently that i didn't want to again. Could i let your post be mine, as well??? LOL Thanks!I'm so sorry that today was hard for you. I wouldn't wish this on ANYONE, but since you do know, it is comforting to me to know that there are others out there who understand that bone-tired exhaustion. (Read recently, don't remember where: "The cells in my bones are tired." That wasn't here, was it?) So many don't understand, can't understand, don't want to understand.I hope you are able to find some relief. And i hope you have the chance to return to the craft shop soon. 🙂

  3. I've had CFS for about three years now, so I can totally relate to this! I know that I've maxed out when everything makes me want to cry. I'm glad I found your blog — it is nice to see how others with CFS cope with the disease and find meaning in spite of (or sometimes because of) it. You are welcome to visit my blog, too, and also my website http://www.chronic-fatigue-community.com .

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