the friendship of God

sometimes, for all my years of following you,
I don’t know how to approach you
you in all your awesome huge-ness
my little ‘I love you’s seem rather tiddly
my insecurities more than just faintly
ridiculous. and yet you know me inside
and out, so how do I balance your all-power
with your all-knowing, bow down and worship
and alongside confide in you the trivialities
of my fears. what does it mean to be a friend
of GOD? I can’t fix you a hot chocolate or invite
you to a movie – you’re there any way, but
it’s different, isn’t it? I want to treat you
rightly – but that sounds condescending
how can I condescend GOD? I long to hear
your voice but often I fear to – wriggling
and writhing my way around your words which
aren’t always comforting, though when I finally
stop and say yes I wonder what on earth I was
wriggling about in the first place.
I want to be a friend of GOD but still honour
you as GOD, I feel the thrill of the paradox
of the transcendent and the immanent – using
big words now to try and put it in the right
boxes, but you will not be boxed, you are
not predictable or comfortable and yet you
are utterly reliable and your comfort when
it comes is all the comfort I ever need
this prayer can never end because you
never end and the fact of the matter is
I do not always know how to approach you
but I come
anyway

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