God, where are you?

I was reminded today how easy it is to get preoccupied with things which can endanger my vision and my sense of purpose. That sounds a lofty statement! But I do mean it – in a down to earth, bare bones kind of way. If I waste what little energy I have concentrating on little things (hence the previous entry – my attempt at verbalising), I suddenly find myself listless in the important things. I look down and find my feet have wandered somewhere and I panic – God, where are you?

So easy to look away. Even getting confused over matters of faith or life – things that aren’t unimportant, but nevertheless, not everything. One bit of uncertainty and something other than that still small voice starts jabbering away, making me lose focus and feeding on my worry like a gang of piranhas, intent on biting away at the most vulnerable parts of me. It feels that vicious sometimes. Then I get dizzy, unable to collect my thoughts, frustrated at my lack of focus. God, where are you?

Quite how he stills the storm I don’t know – and why he does it when he does, and not earlier. Something about my readiness, my willingness to hear. A moment when the worry drops away and there is that still small voice, reminding me what I am here for.

Lord, I pray.
I pray you will help me in my worries and stresses
which can become so huge because of the fatigue –
cannon fodder for the enemy –
help me breathe in your Spirit;
help me discover your stillness.
Keep me close;
Don’t let me go.

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