Sleepy. Trying to think, but my mind is foggy. Still trying to turn my thoughts towards God in this ‘Holy Week’ although I am instantly challenged about why I don’t do this every week. I think I am recovering some of that strength of faith, losing that flatness that I have had up until recently. I’m also aware that in knowing this I don’t become blase about it – forgetting to pray, to continue with God, treating Him as a One-Stop, like a Service Station on a journey, rather than having Him travel with me. How easy it is to make assumptions, presumptions, all kinds of –umptions! If in my search for God I find a touch – a breath of him – does this mean I stop and say ‘Great! Fine! That’s that then!’ until the next time I feel the lack – or the loss of Him? Of course no. Of course not. But don’t I act as if I do? How am I supposed to go deeper if I settle for that kind of faith?
I need to take a breath, and hold on to the precious discoveries I make, instead of storing them away like memories in a box, eventually forgotten – until I have to begin all over again.
Pursuing God is not easy. There are times when it is much harder than others. But in the in-between times, the mediocre ‘I’m OK‘ times, the worst danger is forgetfulness…forgetting to hold on…forgetting to speak to Him…forgetting to spend that time I need to with Him.
I’m OK. So I forget to do the things that will strengthen me for the future.
Lord – don’t let me forget. Don’t let me slip away into mediocrity and passion-lessness, as I so often do. Forgive me for presuming your presence with me, instead of delighting in it and treasuring it.
Help me to treasure your presence and guard my relationship with you, with everything I have.