I often think I should comment on life more. But I find I cannot comment until I have been struck by a response, a thought, an opinion, which is usually at the end of a long brewing process. In these moments a whole line of reasoning develops in my mind…I contemplate it, even get excited about it, but then go straight onto the next thing, whether mentally or physically. And before I know it, I’ve forgotten that thread of thought that seemed so vivid. It’s all gone, and nobody shall ever know of it. Not that I am particular about sharing it – often I am shy in doing so, finding my thoughts inadequate for public airing, but I would at least like to remember it fully myself.
Perhaps sharing it with others would enable me to remember, to make the ephemeral into something concrete, memorable. Or, the obvious, to write it down. Any journals, diaries, whatever I may write or have written are hilariously inaccurate as I write so sporadically, or in phases. It is often when I am upset, and need somewhere safe to ‘get it all out’. By reading them you would think I am something completely different from who I am. They are so…limited in their portrayal of me.
Going back to those thoughts, those thoughts long gone, I’d like to think that somewhere there is a little bottle they are stored in, which, one day, at the beginning of forever, I could open, shake out, and remember everything positive I have ever learnt, discovered or contemplated in this life.